The Ugly and the Not Fangirl
by eishi
Summary: Sasuke decides to get married and restore his clan, blah blah, you know, the usual stuff. The only suitable girl he can think of is Hyuuga Hinata. Hinata doesn't agree. Poor Sasuke can't understand what he's doing wrong. SasuHina, parody, crack, oneshot.


**A/N:** Hello. This is my first dive into the SasuHina realm, although I have been reading fics about these two for a long while. As usual, I was supposed to be studying, but then this story idea hit me and I just had to get it out of my system. I'm going to fail tomorrow, but whatever.

Be warned for the stupid jokes, lame characterization and homosexual innuendoes. And more than innuendoes. Also, English isn't my native tongue, so should there be any grammatical mistakes or typos, please tell me!

I also have to state that although this work is completely by me, _The Socially Unaccetable Courtship Of Hyuuga Hinata_ by **opaslish** might have fueled the inspiration in me. Go read it. It's much funnier than this, anyway.

Disclaimed.

**Pairings:** SasuHina with few unimportant sidepairings  
**Words:** 5,140  
**Rating:** T for swearing  
**Timeline:** what timeline?

* * *

**_The Ugly and The Not-Fangirl_**

_by eishi (2009)_

* * *

When Uchiha Sasuke returned from his little teenage rebellion trip, he decided to get married. Having avenged for his clan (well… sort of. He wasn't supposed to know Itachi was the good guy and [insert name] the real villain!) and restored his reputation as a loyal Konoha citizen, if not a bit of an odd one, he naturally decided that the next logical step was to revive his clan. Although he was seventeen at the time, he mused that the faster he found a suitable baby-producing machine, the better it was for the clan, or what was left of it and its compounds. He spent the next four years observing the female race, training with his 'friends' (ex-avengers do not have friends. They have 'friends', as in 'people whom they treat badly but expect them to still like them') and reclaiming his reputation as the village heartthrob and number one bachelor.

Now that that part was out of the way, he was finally moving on to the next part of his plan. Find the girl, marry her, and start making children. Lots of them. Easy, said and done, piece of cake. He was _the_ Uchiha Sasuke, right?

Well. It might have been easier, had there been a little bit more of women in his age group. Because older women weren't interesting, younger were annoying and civilians stupid, and because only high-class female ninjas were good enough to bear his babies. And even though Naruto, his not-best-friend, had once said upon hearing his plan that if Sasuke hadn't found anyone by the age of twenty-five, they could as well get married and get over it, he wasn't yet desperate enough to test what would happen to Naruto's body if the annoying blond was ever to have a baby in his girl-form. Sasuke shuddered at the memory. ("We could alternate which one of is the girl! I could be Naruko on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and you Sasuko the rest of the week!"; "Not a chance, faggot dumbass!") Irritated, he ogled the list he had made – he could count the suitable _kunoichi_s with his left hand! Sakura, Ino, uh, the-girl-with-the-panda-hairdo and, say, Temari and Hinata.

He crossed the first name out immediately. Sakura was loud, annoying and violent. Her cooking was horrible. She cursed more than the average teenage boy. Ino was… the same, except for the fact that she was also double-annoying for constantly thinking about her looks. There went the second name. Panda-girl – Tenten, that must've been her name! – was nice enough, but wasn't she already dating Lee? He sure as hell wasn't bothering for a girl so plain. Temari was… the same as Sakura, even worse, and they lived at least five thousand kilometers apart.

He stared at his list and the last name. Alright then. Hyuuga Hinata, his bride-to-be. Besides, her not being a fangirl was surely enough of a basis for their relationship.

* * *

He first proposed to Hinata when he saw her at a grocery store. She was picking fruits and comparing the prices with a little smile on her face, her deep blue hair shining in the sun. Sasuke watched her a moment and thought that she looked rather pretty. Their children would have freakish eyes, though, but what the hell. Weren't all ninjas freakish-looking?

"Hinata," he said as he approached her. She flinched in fear and surprise as he strolled from behind the aisle.

"Oh! Good morning, U-uchiha-san," she stammered, a faint blush covering her cheeks. Sasuke went straight to the point.

"You are surely aware of the fact that the Uchiha clan in desperate need of restoring," he began with a relatively fast tempo, "and since I'm the last one left, I'm to complete the task. I have chosen you as the possible candidate to accompany me on this mission. Will you marry me?"

Hinata stared at him with an odd expression. "Uh, Uchiha-san. I'm… I'm fla-flattered, but… uh… I'm al-already engaged to be married."

Sasuke blinked. "To whom?" he managed to growl between his teeth. "Who am I to kill?" Surprisingly enough, Hinata laughed at him. She wasn't scared of him? But he was the Uchiha Sasuke, the ex-avenger! He had thought that his growling alone would make her cancel the engagement.

"That would be me," said a certain ANBU Captain that just joined them and linked his hand with Hinata's. Sasuke grimaced at Hyuuga Neji.

"Why are you here?"

"For story purposes," Neji shrugged. "The love interest of the hero is always saved by her current boyfriend."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I hate to admit it, but you're right," Sasuke nodded. "Wait, aren't you two _cousins?_"

"Are you from the Japanese version or the American version?"

"Japanese."

"Then I see no problem. We marry our cousins all the time."

"Neji-niisan," Hinata tried to interrupt, "really now… do-do not be rude…"

Sasuke stared. "You know, that sounds really weird when you call the man you're going to marry your _big brother_."

"I've tried to talk about that to her, but she's unyielding," Neji sighed.

Hinata coughed. "To get back to the story…"

Neji looked challenging as he stared at Sasuke. "She's my fiancée. Back off."

Sasuke did, but only after he had openly growled at Neji and muttered a few profanities not-so-under his breath.

* * *

To say Sasuke was determined was clearly an understatement. From the age nine to sixteen, he had trained to kill his brother. He had succeeded in it, although Itachi was ultimately innocent to the murders, but that was beside the point. From the age seventeen to twenty-one, he had trained to become the most wanted bachelor in town. He had succeeded in it, although the girl he had chosen had refused his proposal, but that was beside the point.

The point was, Sasuke was most certainly _not_ giving up just because of the slight problem of Hinata being engaged. Hinata would surely be his soon, and then they could start reviving his clan.

So, Hinata was engaged. Solution? Get rid of competitor.

"I challenge you to a duel, Hyuuga Neji!" Sasuke announced the next day as he entered the training grounds. Neji stopped his _taijutsu_ training series and turned to Sasuke with a sly, amused smile on his lips.

"I accept, Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke didn't waste time in flipping a poisoned _kunai_ in Neji's direction. Neji stepped out of its way easily.

"Hey! No cheating before starting the match!"

"We already started, freaky-eyes!"

"Check the mirror before you talk!"

His trash talk before the match was usually classier than this, but Sasuke was more interested in killing Neji than wasting his best lines to a fight like this. So, _kunai_s flew, hits were given and received, few animals summoned and the nearby trees Chidori'ed and Hakke Rokujuuyon Shou'ed to the sky, blah blah, the usual. When the boys, or, more accurately, grown _men_, had been fighting for a few moments, Hinata herself appeared in the middle of them. They both stopped as if they were pulled back by magnetism. Hinata put her hands on her hips.

"Why are you here, Hinata-san?" Neji asked, itching to kick Sasuke in the stomach. Hinata pursed her lips.

"For story purposes."

"Idiot," Sasuke muttered, longing to put a sword through Neji's skull, "of course she is."

"Neji-niisan," Hinata said, stuttering long gone, "Sasuke-san. Form a line in front of me, please."

They did, but hid a few _kunai_s and swords behind their backs. Just in case Hinata would be distracted at some point.

"Neji-niisan," she said, looking straight to his eyes, "I'm breaking off our engagement."

Neji's brows rose, but he didn't say anything. Hinata looked in Sasuke's eyes.

"Sasuke-san," she began with a slightly trembler voice, "you're violent, rude, unethical, socially retarded and _ugly_, and I'm not going to marry you."

Sasuke's brows skyrocketed like Neji's, but he too kept silent. Hinata was blushing a bit, but her expression was grim. She huffed, turned around and left. The boys spent a moment in confused silence.

"So," Neji said, scratching his head, "shall we pick off where we left?"

"No," Sasuke snapped, "you're not my competitor anymore. I'm not wasting my time trying to kill you."

"As if you could, anyway."

"Shut it, white-eyes."

Oh, Neji was going to make a lovely brother-in-law.

* * *

Now that Neji was out of the way, and better yet, by Hinata's dismissal, Sasuke could move on to the next part. Making the girl marry her.

The second proposal happened on training grounds few days later. Hinata was mercilessly beating an old tree when he arrived.

"Will you marry me?"

"No," Hinata said, not even turning her head from the tree. Sasuke grimaced.

"You're not even considering the idea!"

"Why sh-should I?" She was still beating the tree, but the blush on her cheeks was surely not because of that. Sasuke took it as a good sign. He sat on the ground, resting against the tree.

"I'm twenty-one, rich, handsome, and everybody loves me."

Hinata closed her eyes – yes! She was surely thinking about what she had missed by this time! – and reduced the speed she was savaging the tree.

"I'm twenty-one," Hinata slowly said, "so, I'm re-relatively yo-young. I… I want to have fun wh-while I still can. I'm no-not getting married th-this young."

"Hinata. You're obviously not realizing that the number one bachelor (_numbaa wan bacherooru!_) of the village has just proposed to you. I'm forgiving you, since you must be so confused that you somehow think that I don't mean it. Now, will you marry me?"

She finally stopped beating the tree and turned to look at Sasuke, who charmingly puckered his lips at her. She put her hands on her hips.

"Uchiha-san," she started sternly, "I'm not marrying you for your character. You are th-the meanest, most a-amoral and re-re-repulsive person I've ever met. I'm not marrying you for th-the money, either. I'm the heir of Hyuuga clan, I will own half of the town by my twenty-third birthday." She huffed like she had last time. "Be-besides, you're ugly."

Sasuke felt the foundations of his world tremble. She thought he was _ugly?_ But… he was _the_ Uchiha Sasuke!

"You… you're serious?" Sasuke gaped, much like a lost fish on a beach. Hinata nodded.

"I'm serious. I will not marry you." She then placed her hands on her chest and smiled sweetly. "Have a nice day, ugly-san!"

With that, she took her leave, and Sasuke was left all alone to ponder the fact that some _girl_ found him repulsive and ugly.

* * *

Sasuke wasn't one to give up (he was _determined_, remember?), but even he had to admit that there must have been some small error in his plan to make Hinata marry him. One failure he could understand, but twice in a row? Maybe there was something Hinata was keeping from him.

After thinking through his plan he nodded to himself that he didn't see anything wrong with it. There was something wrong at Hinata's end, that was it. Maybe her clan was furious because she had broken off the engagement with Neji, and forbade her from getting married with anyone else?

So, off he went, to ask for the admission to court Hinata from her father.

"Sure, Sasuke-san," Hyuuga Hiashi smiled, when he had broken through the _shoji_ paper and disturbed Hiashi's amiable conversation with Hanabi in the oldest part of the main house, "of course you may court my daughter. It would be a great day if the Uchiha and the Hyuuga were to fuse."

"Oh," Sasuke blinked, "you're… not forcing me to flee the country for trying to approach your daughter?"

"No, of course not," Hiashi said, looking oddly at him, "Hinata is free to marry whomever she wants."

"Hn," Sasuke nodded. "Thank you," he politely added, and left through the same hole he had made in the _shoji_. Hiashi sighed.

"They are going to have freakish children."

"Aren't all ninjas freakish, father?" Hanabi deadpanned.

* * *

So, Sasuke thought to himself, Hinata was free to marry whomever she wanted. He had asked her to marry him twice, and she had said no on both occasions. He had no loose romantic ties, and neither had she (anymore). He was rich, handsome and nice, but she didn't agree.

Sasuke just couldn't understand what he was doing wrong. Then again, he didn't know Hinata that well.

He resolved to the last possible option. He was… crap, how humiliating it was even to think… he was going to ask for Naruto's advice.

"What's up, grumpy-face?" Naruto cheerily asked when Sasuke joined him at Ichiraku's. "Man, you're looking even more grumpier than usual, dickweed. What crawled up your ass and died?"

Naruto's vocabulary had certainly taken a turn to the more colorful during the last years. He hadn't hesitated to violate Sasuke's ego before he had left to Sound, but when Sasuke had came back, the insults had increased rapidly. Sakura had said it had something to do with Naruto's way of showing affection. Sasuke disagreed. It was just Naruto being a dick.

"Naruto," Sasuke growled, disgusted by the miso ramen in front of him, "hn."

"What was that, idiot?"

"I… have…"

"A deadly disease?"

"No, idiot! Girl trouble."

It took a few seconds before the statement sank into Naruto's brain. A wicked grin spread across his face.

"Oooooh, so _the_ Uchiha Sasuke is asking for help! Isn't this delicious!"

Sasuke already regretted telling Naruto a thing. But what was done was done, and perhaps, just perhaps Naruto could actually help him.

"Who is it?" he asked, ladling the ramen in his face with high speed. Sasuke lost his appetite completely by this sight.

"Hinata," he finally answered. Naruto stopped.

"Hinata," Naruto repeated, "who's she?"

Sasuke felt like Chidori'ng Naruto's ass to the sky. "Hyuuga Hinata, the girl who was madly in love with you in her teenage years! The girl who has healed you several times after missions! The Hyuuga heir! The richest girl in town!"

"Oh, _that_ Hyuuga Hinata."

"What, are there others?"

"No, dumbass, I'm just teasing you! Of course I know Hinata!" Sasuke wasn't so sure about that statement, but let it slide. "Now, tell me all about it."

"I asked her to marry me. Twice," he emphasized, "and she refused."

"Isn't she engaged to Neji?"

"Not anymore."

"Oh. Hm. Maybe she's… seeing someone?"

"Not that I know."

"Hm. This is a tough call."

"I know. She even told me that I was ugly and repulsive and amoral," Sasuke sighed. "Why isn't she worshipping the ground before me like every other girl? I even gave her a smile!"

"Well," Naruto said uncertainly, "can't help you, jerk. If she doesn't like you, she doesn't like you."

"_Everybody_ likes me!"

"Yeah, right. Sakura-chan doesn't like you," Naruto laughed.

"Says who?" Sasuke grimaced.

"Says me," a bright voice said from behind. Sasuke froze.

"Why are you here?" he sneered.

"For story purposes," she shrugged as she took a seat. "I needed to hear your conversation so that I could comment on it and help you."

"This story needs a better writer," Sasuke growled.

"Yeah!" Naruto agreed. "I mean, who decided that I wanted to marry Sasuke in my girl form? That's a disgustingly cheap trick to get rid of the homosexual aspect of our relationship!"

Sakura and Sasuke stared at Naruto, the former curiously and the latter disgustedly. "Naruto, I'm going to kill either you or the writer. I haven't yet decided."

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, boys," Sakura snapped as she received her ramen cup, "and concentrate on the mission at hand. Now, Sasuke, you like Hinata, right?"

"I wish to marry her."

"Right," she said, slurping the noodles, "so what have you done for it?"

"Proposed to her twice, tried to kill Neji, her ex-fiancé, and asked the permission of her father."

Sakura hung her head. "Sasuke, you are a socially retarded and irritating pain in the ass that knows nothing about girls."

"Well then, enlighten me!" Sasuke said, heavily on sarcasm. "You like it when I glare at you and speak rudely!"

"That was _nine years_ ago. I've moved on, and nowadays, I just despise you for it." Naruto laughed at them and commented, "What did I tell you, bastard?"

Sasuke was bummed. "You… despise me?"

"Well, I mean, as a person, you are an irritating prick. As a ninja, however, you are to be respected. That's all."

"Will you marry me?"

Naruto gasped and tried to hit Sasuke, but Sakura just glared at him to make Naruto stop, and sent the same glare to Sasuke as well. "No. I'm already dating someone, and I'm not falling for that trick again."

Naruto leaned over Sasuke's miso ramen. "Sakura-chaaan, you haven't told us you were dating someone!"

"Yeah, who is it?" Sasuke asked, pushing Naruto away. He hadn't even expected Sakura to cling to his arm and say yes right away, but he had to try. If even Sakura rejected him, what changes did he have with Hinata?

"Ino," Sakura smiled. The boys froze.

"This story definitely needs a better writer," Sasuke grumbled. Naruto nodded furiously.

"Oh, come on, boys, she was my first idol ever, and I've always had a thing for idols!"

"Yeah, we've noticed. Next you tell us you're going to date Kakashi-sensei," Naruto muttered.

"I already did for two moths."

"_What?_"

"Sakura, we would have been better off without knowing that," Sasuke interrupted. "Can we now concentrate on my love life for now?"

"Or the lack of it," Naruto added, feeling clever. Sasuke punched Naruto in the gut and turned to Sakura.

"Have you tried acting nice towards her?"

Sasuke blinked. "What… do you mean?"

"Have you ever spoken to her about anything else than about your supposed marriage?"

"I don't see the point."

"Oh, come on, you idiot!" Sakura hit Sasuke rather hard in the head. Sasuke wasn't going to tell, but it really hurt. "Do you really expect a girl to marry you if the first thing you've ever said to her is 'will you marry me'?"

Sasuke contemplated this for a while. "Well… yeah. Why not? I'm rich, handsome and a genius."

Sakura and Naruto shared a look behind Sasuke's back. "I told you years ago, Sakura-chan, that he's an idiot. You wouldn't believe."

"I believe you now, Naruto," Sakura sighed. "Why did I ever think this guy was cool?"

"Ahem," Sasuke coughed, "not heeeelping!"

Naruto sighed. "Sorry, bastard, but I agree with Sakura-chan in this one. Try acting nice to her. And washing your hair."

"I wash it every day!"

"Then cut down the gel use, it looks horrible. Like a chicken butt."

"I'm going to kill you," Sasuke remarked in trembling voice. Naruto just laughed.

"Who's going to be the best man at your wedding, then?"

* * *

It was a long shot, but worth trying. Maybe Hinata was actually a bit intimidated by him? If that was the case, and Naruto and Sakura were right, he really should show her that he wasn't going to hurt her in any way. Perhaps violate her personal bubble, but that he could save for later.

Hinata was again at the training grounds the next beautiful summer day when Sasuke decided to take action. He skipped there, feeling a bit nervous and happy at the same time. That was odd, but he brushed the feeling aside. Just as long as Hinata would agree to marry him.

"Morning," he stated as he neared her. Hinata stopped for only a split second to see who approached her, and then returned to her training series. She didn't return the greeting, for which Sasuke was actually hurt. He sat down by the tree she had destroyed the day before, and crossed his arms. Hinata was undisturbed: she merely continued her training, moving with beautiful grace and killer speed. Sasuke happily noted that he had been right about her value as a _kunoichi_.

"Hn," he started, suddenly feeling very stupid, "it's a, uh, nice day."

Hinata really stopped this time and stared at him with a bemused look. "Yes, it is," she answered and went back to training. Sasuke gathered his courage and searched for something else to say, but nothing came out.

"Dammit, woman, can't you just marry me and release me from this pain?"

Hinata burst out laughing so violently that she accidentally slipped and fell on the ground. Even that didn't make her giggles stop. Sasuke sulked.

"No," she said, when the last laugher had died, "but I appreciate you trying to be nice towards me."

Sasuke beamed happily. She had noticed!

"Train with me?" he continued, still feeling like the king of the world. Hinata shrugged.

"Alright."

As it turned out, Sasuke sucked at training with girls. When he had been a part of Team 7, Kakashi had made sure that Sakura was _always_ against Naruto, since Sakura… well, you know. Couldn't train with Sasuke without drooling herself to death. When they had tried it a few years later, after Sasuke's return, he hadn't hesitated one bit about pummeling Sakura to near-death. She had recovered from her coma in two days, went to Sasuke's house and trashed it after repeatedly kicking his ass. Sasuke never wanted to anger a girl again.

And now, as he was training with Hinata, he was having a hard time deciding should he go easy on her or all out to impress her. Hinata made the decision for him. She kicked his ass.

"Fuck, woman, stop beating me! I already forfeited!"

"I didn't hear you state so," Hinata teased, enjoying herself as she drained all the chakra out of Sasuke.

"I forfeit!"

"You're free to go," she sweetly said and released him from a headlock. Sasuke rubbed his neck.

"That wasn't a fair fight," he whined.

"Of course it was!" she laughed. "You were just too busy ogling me to actually fight."

"Not fair," Sasuke repeated and retreated to the tree. Hinata joined him, and as she sat down, brushing slightly his arm in the process, Sasuke felt that something, like an electric shock, went through his body. He hid his face by pretending to clean it.

"You know," he said, after they had caught their breaths, "you're not at all like you used to be when we were teens."

"What did you expect?" Hinata laughed. "That I would stutter and blush and beat around the bush for the rest of my life?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever heard something called 'character development'?" Hinata said, amused. "Well, it happened to me."

"That's weird. Nothing has happened to me."

"Well, that's for story purposes. You're supposed to be a jerk."

"Not fair," Sasuke muttered again. They spent a few minutes in silence. "Will you marry me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're a repulsive ugly idiot with no social skills."

"Have a nice day," Sasuke said, as he got up.

"You too, Sasuke-san."

* * *

Something had definitely happened. Hinata had spoken to him, with no stuttering and blushing at all! Perhaps she was finally warming up to him and accepting his proposals in the near future.

Though, that didn't quite explain why she still called him ugly and repulsive. He was neither, surely! He just needed to talk to her a bit more, and she would take her words back and run to his arms and they would live happily ever after with ten freaky children.

Sasuke quite liked this fantasy future.

Though, he had to concentrate on the mission now. If he wanted Hinata to accept him, he needed to know what she liked and what she didn't like, so that he could talk to her a bit more. The weather topic was getting boring already. And thus, there was only one person he could go to.

"Neji."

"Uchiha-san." The white-eyed boy bowed. "You wish to be killed today?"

"Not exactly. And as if you could."

"That's my line."

"Whatever. No, Neji, dear brother-in-law, I've come to ask for your advice."

Neji grimaced at the words "brother-in-law", but didn't comment on it. "What?"

"Tell me everything about Hinata you know."

Neji slammed the door shut in Sasuke's face. Sasuke was unfazed by this movement and went through the _shoji_ wall right into Neji's sparsely decorated room.

"You destroyed my wall!"

"You didn't answer my question," Sasuke threw back. Neji's hands curled into fists and he shook in rage, but then merely tried to hit Sasuke once but as Sasuke neatly sidestepped it, he then motioned the ex-avenger to take a seat.

Silence fell in.

"Well?"

"What, you really expect me to tell you?"

"Why not?" Sasuke whined.

"She doesn't want to marry you. Get that through your thick head and back off."

"She's not your fiancée anymore. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were a brother-in-love instead of my future brother-in-law."

"That was a terrible joke, and she's my friend and my cousin. And as her guardian and future husband – wait, scratch that – as her guardian, I have decided that you're exactly not the ideal marriage type for her."

Now, this was the language Sasuke could speak. No stupid blurts from Sakura or Naruto of how he needed to be nice to her, just the plain old "may-I-have-your-blessing" that he had been trained into.

"I'm rich."

"So's she."

"I have a big house."

"So does she."

"I'm nice to her."

"No, you're not. You're rude, violent and brooding anti-social freak who never says anything."

"You do not either! That description fits to you, too!"

"Totally doesn't! I've been much nicer to Hinata-san in the last years and spoken to her more than you have ever to anyone!"

"Just count my lines in this story, idiot! I've clearly said her more than you!"

"I'm not breaking the fourth wall again, Uchiha, not even for her!" Neji snapped. "You're not suitable match for her. Please forget her and move on."

"No," Sasuke said stubbornly, "I rather like her. I'm going to marry her."

Neji looked as if someone had hit him straight in the gut. "Did you… just say… you like her?"

"Yeah," Sasuke said, confused. So what?

"Okay," Neji began. "Take a comfortable position. This might take a while."

* * *

Hinata was, surprisingly enough, training again when Sasuke appeared. He was still feeling kind of odd, since Neji had suddenly decided to spill the beans and told him everything, and really, _everything_, about Hinata.

"So," Sasuke started, feeling nervous in her presence again, "I heard you like stuffed animals."

Hinata stopped abruptly and turned look at him. "What?"

"And that you dislike tomatoes." He clicked his tongue. "That's a pity. I like tomatoes."

"Have you… Where's Neji? I'm going to teach that back-stabbing jerk a lesson!"

"Wait!" Sasuke took Hinata's wrist, before she got too far away. He didn't like seeing Hinata like this, full of hatred and rage. The calm look suited her more. "I made Neji tell me."

"I thought as much," Hinata said, easily releasing her wrist from Sasuke, "And I don't like it. You could have just asked me and not Neji. What a coward you are."

That hurt, and literally, there was a pain in Sasuke's chest. Hinata watched the pitiful expression in the Uchiha boy's face with interest, until she shook her head. "Sasuke-san," she asked, in that familiar smooth and a bit indecisive voice, "do you have any idea what you are doing now?"

"I'm trying to get you to marry me," Sasuke answered, confused. "I thought it was clear enough."

"No, I-I mean…" Hinata sighed. "Have… have you e-ever da-dated a girl? Do you have any idea about romance?"

"No?"

"I thought so."

It was so confusing. Why did she keep slipping back to the old scared, stuttering Hinata and then to this new, confident Hinata?

"I don't understand, Hinata. For long I have struggled, in vain. I beg of you to release me from this pain and tell you how ardently I admire and love you. Will you marry me?"

Hinata stared at him, unable to decide was this boy serious or just teasing her.

"You could not have made me the offer of marriage in any possible way that would have tempted me to take it. I had not known you for a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."

"Hinata!"

She giggled. "Well, it's your fault for reciting _Pride and Prejudice_."

"Wait, this doesn't make sense. I do not think that book even exist in our world."

"It doesn't," Hinata shrugged, "but the writer just randomly decided to quote it. Maybe because it was funny to compare us to the characters."

"Stop explaining the joke, breaking the fourth wall and talk to me." Sasuke looked really pissed off. "What am I doing wrong? Why won't you go out with me?"

"I will."

"Yeah, but why—Wait." He clutched her hands. "Did you… just now…?"

"I'll… um." She blushed a little, staring down at how their hands entwined. "You just needed to ask, you know," she winked.

"But… I… I was asking all the time!"

"No, you weren't," she laughed. "I said I'd go out with you. Nobody talked anything about a marriage."

"Oh," Sasuke said, looking as if someone had just told him that the color he usually referred to as red was actually blue. "So… you don't think I'm ugly and repulsive?"

"No. It was just fun teasing you."

"Why would you do that to a man? Have you no heart?" Sasuke whined, looking really hurt. "I tried so hard, and yet you had the heart to reject me just because it was funny!"

"Look," Hinata said, silencing Sasuke by placing a finger on his mouth, "I was the only girl in the whole town who wasn't crushing on you when were young. It would have ruined my reputation to reduce to that state from my not-fangirl status."

"Crappy reason for torturing a man," Sasuke muttered. His breath was getting a bit quicker, since Hinata's finger wasn't moving anywhere, but he didn't think much of it.

"You deserved to be tortured. Admit it. You _suck_ at romance."

"Well, maybe," Sasuke said so silently that Hinata had to bent forward to hear it. Not that Sasuke minded one bit. "So, you'll marry me?"

"No," she shook her head. "I'm too young for that, and I don't know you enough. But, uhm, I'll…" She blushed a bit. "I'll go out with you."

"Okay," Sasuke breathed, lost in her white eyes. Never mind the fact that he hadn't gotten what he wanted. Never mind the fact that they had both broken the character several times during the story. Never mind anything except for the Hinata in his arms that said she would go out with him and maybe, _maybe_, also marry him someday and bear him ten freakish children.

* * *

_End._

* * *

A/N: The _Pride and Prejudice_ (by Jane Austen) quotes are purposely inaccurate, since Sasuke and Hinata were reciting it from memory. Thank you for reading!


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